


More Than a Regular

by ernstie



Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: College AU, Crushes, Disowned, Fluff, Gay, Homophobia, M/M, Physical Abuse, Transphobia, Verbal Abuse, artist!ernst, coffee shop AU, every gay, hell fuckin yeah a college au, law student!hanschen, pinning, sort of but enough for me to tag it okay, there will be so much fluff, trans!ernst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-08-22 14:07:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8288456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ernstie/pseuds/ernstie
Summary: Hanschen has a big crush on the paint splattered, messy haired, hipster-like, regular at the coffee shop he works in.





	1. Talk to Him

**Author's Note:**

> "coffee shop aus are over done" they say. "get some original ideas" they say. 
> 
> "fuck you, I'm writing it anyway," I scream at the top of my lungs 
> 
> (ps I never edited this so be ready for mistakes)
> 
> (also it gets more intense in future chapters stay with me?)

Hanschen has a little crush on the boy who comes in every day. Okay well, maybe it's more than a little. Maybe it's a lot. 

The boy orders the same thing every day twice a day, large ice coffee with a shot of caramel, cream and sugar. It's a bit concerning how much caffeine this boy has in a day because Hanschen has memorized the boys order and everything else about him. 

His name is Ernst, as it shows up on his rewards card. His hair is brown and is like a wavy mess on top of his head. At times his browline glasses were pushed up and held his hair back but that was only when he was carrying around a canvas. Most days the very hipster like glasses rested on their normal place on his nose. His hands usually have some remnants of some type of art like paint or grey pencil marks. The shoes he wore were covered in paint spatters and coming apart at the seams. Sometimes he would come in with a girl who Hanschen desperately hoped was not his girlfriend, but most days he went in alone. His laugh was adorable and his voice was a bit high pitched but really really cute. 

So yes, Hanschen did have it very bad for this boy and desperately wants to talk to him. 

“I swear you never shut up about him,” Melchior says as. He fills up a cup with hot coffee. Hanschen rolls his eyes. 

“I do not. I talk about lots of other things,” he says and runs a hand through his hair. Melchior puts a lid on the drink and hands it to the customer. 

“Why don't you just talk to him?” he asks leaning against the counter. The store is pretty quiet right before lunch because most people are in their classes or working. 

“I don't know,” Hanschen sighs and looks out the door. “He's just so adorable. I can't believe that boy makes me melt when with everyone else I can make them hop into my bed within seconds.” 

“Maybe it's because you don't just want to have sex with him,” Melchi suggests. 

“I know I don't want to just sleep with him! I want to make him pancakes and hold his hand and shit,” he says. Melchior laughs at Hanschen with a smile. 

“And shit? Wow you're so romantic,” he says. Hanschen huffs and throws a rag at him. 

“Shut up! I'll talk to him today when he comes in. Just, don't be here while I do it. You'll make me mess up,” he says pointing his finger. The other boy raises his hand like he's innocent. 

“Well looks like I better go into the back now because look who’s walking in,” he says with a smile. Hanschen's head whips over to the door and sees Ernst walking towards it. He quickly fixes his hair in the reflection of the coffee machine as Mechi walks away from him. 

Ernst smiles at Hanschen as he walks through the door. He's wearing a beige sweater with his black ripped jeans and a grey backpack on his shoulders. The blond tries his best to not have complete and total heart eyes as he watches him. 

“Can I have my usual please?” Ernst asks politely, still smiling. He never seems to have any other expression than happy. Maybe it's because of all the caffeine he drinks. 

“Of course,” Hanschen says and scans the others rewards card. He quickly does this and grabs a cup to fill. Ernst walks over a bit to stand and wait for his drink. 

This is his moment. His time to finally speak to him other than saying his order. 

“The amount of caffeine you consume in a day sometimes concerns me,” he says pouting the coffee in. Ernst smiles and watches him as usual. 

“I have some trouble sleeping so I only get a few hours to sleep every night,” he says lightly blushing. Hanschen turns and puts the drink on the counter. 

“Don't you get bored then?” he asks looking into his eyes. Hanschen’s heart was beating way too fast for just having a conversation. He was never like this, why is this boy so different? 

“I just work on my assignments. It does get a bit lonely since no one is awake,” Ernst shrugs. 

“Sometimes I'm up until 4 when I work closing and then have work to do from classes,” Hanschen nods, looking at the blushing boy with gentle eyes. 

“Maybe you could text me one lonely night, I might be up,” he says confidently pushing his blond hair back. 

But don't let his exterior convince you that he's calm and collected, in reality his heart was so soft for this tall skinny boy that his fake composure took a lot more effort when in reality he just wanted to sit on the counter and kiss him. Maybe hold his hand too. 

“Yeah, I should,” Ernst says blushing and biting his lip to keep his smiling from going too wide. He grabs the cup from the counter. God, Hanschen really likes this boy. He takes a quick moment to thank god that the shop is empty right now so he can flirt with him for as long as he wants. 

“Do you mind if I write on your receipt? To give you my number, that is,” he asks ripping it off the machine and grabbing a pen. 

“Yes-No-I mean, yes I want your number no I don't mind if you write on the receipt,” Ernst stumbles. “Sorry, cute boys don't normally hit on me,” he says and drinks from the straw, avoiding looking at Hanschen. 

The smaller freezes in a bit of shock, pen still in hand about to touch the paper. How does no one hit on him? Ernst has to be one of the hottest and cutest boys he has ever seen. From the way he pushes his hair back and subconsciously bites his lip to his smile whenever someone talked to him, Ernst was extremely attractive. 

“That has to be impossible, you're like, the most gorgeous person ever,” he says scribbling down his number fast so he can look up and see the tall boy blush. 

“I'm really not.” Hanschen opens his mouth to protest but the boy speaks again before he could. “What's your name?”

“Hanschen,” he responds and holds the written on receipt to Ernst. The boy folds it and gently puts it into his pocket. 

“Alright, I'll text you later tonight then. Not like, late tonight because I don't want to wake you up or whatever but like, later on from now,” Ernst rambles as Hanschen looks at him with a smile. He quiets himself and points towards the door with his eyebrows raised. “Right. I should go.”

“See you later Ernst,” Hanschen says as the boy walks towards the door. 

“See you Hanschen!” he says walking out. As soon as the door closes Hanschen props his arms on the countertop and rests his head in his hand. He stares at the door dreamily as he thinks about Ernst’s nervous fixing of his messy hair and his sweet smile. 

“You have it bad,” Melchior says as he walks back in. Hanschen throws a cup at him. 

-

From: unknown number  
hey it's ernst! here I am texting you at a reasonable time like I said I would :) 

Hanschen smiles at the small text. He quickly adds him to his contacts then typed out a reply. 

To: really cute ernst  
Hey! I'm very glad you did

From: really cute ernst  
it may seem a bit forward but tomorrow if you want, maybe we could go to the park? I don't have classes on fridays and could use a bit of a break from working 

Hanschen thanks god that he has the day off tomorrow and his lectures end by 2 that day. 

To: really cute ernst  
I have my last lecture at 2 so anytime after that is good. 

Ernst quickly sends the location of the park and where to meet him at 2:30. To Hanschen, it couldn't come fast enough. He knows that the next day is going to feel so long just because he want to see that adorable artist again. 

If he's being honest, if Ernst were to text him to come over right now he would do it. Anything for this amazing boy he just started talking to today.


	2. Tell Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanschen and Ernst go on a date.

Hanschen was completely right. He did spend all of the time in his lectures waiting for his date and being extremely nervous. Before he left he made sure that his outfit was perfect, grey jeans, white shirt, and a black long coat, about a million times. His hair was styled to its usual neat state and his teeth brushed (just in case). 

It made no sense for this guy who was practically the definition of confidence to be brought to a nervous mess by a boy with a radiant smile and soft features. 

Then again, here he is, standing at the entrance of a park waiting for him. His palms sweating nervously and his foot relentlessly tapping the ground. He clicks his phone on to make it seem like he's busy. 

“Hey!” a voice says from behind him. Hanschen quickly turns and is met with the handsome face of Ernst. His face had a grin on it and just a bit of green paint smudged on his cheek. 

“Hi, you have a bit of paint on you,” Hanschen chuckles. Ernst blushes and checks his arms for paint. 

“Where?” he asks and looks to Hanschen in confusion. 

“On your cheek- Here, I'll get it.” He takes a tissue packet out of his pocket and takes one of them out (thank god he forgot to take this out from the last time he had a cold). He reaches up and gently cups Ernst’s jaw and wipes the paint off of his cheek. The taller boy's eyes flutter shut and his smile widens. He's so cute Hanschen's heart skips a beat. 

“Sorry I was working on a painting,” he says, eyes opening again. The dark brown color was so warm and comforting. He could look in them for hours. Instead Ernst turns and motions for Hanschen to follow him. 

“So, what's he painting about?” the blond asks. To be honest, he didn't know jack shit about art. He just really hopes that the boy says it in simple terms. 

“It's like a painting of a dog sitting but the style has to be, not blended? I don't really know how to explain it,” Ernst says walking beside him. 

“Do you want to be just an artist?” Hanschen asked. Ernst raises an eyebrow at the word just. 

“Oh my god-I'm sorry-I don't mean to belittle just, do you want to be a teacher as well?” he says completely flustered and sorry. Ernst laughs at the reddening of his face. 

“It's fine, don't worry. But yes, I really want to be a teacher specifically in an art school. I would love to encourage and support kids in the way I never was,” he says looking out at the children playing with their parents. 

“Was your art teacher no good?” Hanschen says completely oblivious to what Ernst really meant. 

“No! She was wonderful I just, it's nothing really,” he says waving it off, not making eye contact. The smaller boy watches as the smile fades a bit. He's completely lost on why he's upset or what he meant by he wasn't supported. He decides to just change the subject. 

“This park is really beautiful,” Hanschen says observing how fall has turned the leaves to various colors of orange, red, and brown. They were scattered on the green grass along with the families, couples, and friends. 

“Yeah I love it here. I've done so many drawing and stuff of it,” he says glancing over at Hans. 

“Do you normally make art of pretty things? If so you must have done a self portrait by now,” he says smoothly. A smirk grows on his face as Ernsts gets red. 

“I-I, thank you,” he says staring at his moving feet. Hanschen really, really, wants to be able to just lift to his chin with his finger and just kiss him. Or at least tell him how perfect he is. 

“Do you want to take a seat here?” Ernst asks pointing at a bench beside them. 

“Yeah, sounds nice,” he says. They both sit, Hanschen making sure there was very little room between them. 

“Are you like, a law student?” Ernst inquiries looking at him. 

“Yeah, how did you guess?” he asks with a smile. The brown haired one makes a hand gesture motioning up and down the other's body. 

“You're just so put together, you know?” he says. Hanschen laughs. 

“And you're not?” he asks back. Ernst raises his eyebrows. 

“Have you seen me!” he says smiling. “My hair's a mess, all wavy, while yours is neatly gelled or whatever. I wear the same 3 pairs of jeans, 2 of which have holes in knees. I don't dress like a future money maker.”

Hanschen scoffs and touches Ernst’s thigh. 

“You look great. I like your messy hair,” he says. He blushes and takes a glance at Hanschen's hand before looking back up. He then moves it from his thigh to his opposite shoulder, making his arm go around him. “Also your shirts are very nice even if they aren't ‘put together’.”

“Thank you. I like your neat hair, why don't we switch?” he says jokingly. The other rolls his eyes. He still hasn't moved his arm from around his neck 

“Hanschen?” a voice says from above them. They both look up and see Ilse walking towards them. He inwardly groans because he really just wants to talk to this wonderful boy sitting next to him and not anyone else. 

“Ilse? You know Hanschen?” Ernst asks confused. She looks between the two of them observing the contact. 

“Yeah he's friends with one of my friends,” she says very suspicious. “Could I talk to him for a second?”

Fuck. 

Ernst looks over at him. Hanschen throws a glare at Ilse before moving his arm from around Ernst and standing up. 

“Alright but don't be too long,” he says a bit sharply. She nods before taking his hand and dragging him a distance away from the other boy. 

“What the fuck are you doing? Ernst is a pure boy and you're going to break his heart,” she says angrily whispering to make sure Ernst couldn't hear them talking. 

“What do you mean?” he asks offended. She rolls her eyes. 

“Please. Don't act like you're not going to fuck him and then never talk to him again,” she says, hands on her hips. 

“The hell? Why would I do that? Ernst is fucking perfect and nice. I've had a crush on him forever! Or at least however long he's been going to the coffee shop,” he says. She doesn't look like she believes a word out of his mouth. “I'm not lying!” 

“You have never expressed any interest in dating anyone. Literally a few days ago you hooked up with some other girl,” she says. Hanschen glances over at Ernst to make sure he didn't hear that. The boy was peacefully ignorant and just on his phone, oblivious to all conversation happening yards away. 

“That was Sunday okay, now it's Friday and that was not a few days ago. I know you think I'm not being serious but I really do like him, okay? Just because I hooked up with other people in the meantime doesn't mean my crush went away. I'm just, keeping myself busy,” he says. She pushes him lightly with a look of disappointment. 

“Just- Ernst is different, okay? He's been through alot and really needs someone caring and affectionate. And well,” she looks him up and down, “you aren't really that.”

“Honestly, you don't know shit. Don't stick your nose in other people's relationships, for god's sake this is our first date! You're judging before anything has even happened!” he whisper shouts. He sighs while looking at her. 

“Fine. But if you hurt him Hanschen Rilow, I will murder you,” she says poking him in the chest with her finger. He rolls his eyes as she walks off. He then makes his way back over to Ernst. 

“Hey, sorry about that,” he says. 

“No it's fine! Do you want to keep walking around? Or I can bring you over to my place?” he asks standing up from the bench. 

“At least buy me dinner first,” Hanschen says with smirk. His hand goes over his mouth and turns red. 

“Oh my god! Not like that! Just to like watch shows and stuff!” he says embarrassed. 

“I know I know,” he says smiling at the others stumbling. “Going to your place would be nice. Maybe you could show me a couple of your pieces?”

“Yeah,” Ernst says and begins to walk.

They walk in a comfortable silence for a bit, just taking in the scenery and the perfect fall weather. Hanschen noticed how his own hands are getting a little bit cold, so he takes this opportunity for a little more physical contact with the other. 

“Would you mind if I held your hand?” the blond asks. Ernst looks over at him with a grin. 

“Of course, I wouldn't mind at all,” he says. Hanschen moves a bit closer to him before slipping his hand into the other boys. 

“I live just a couple blocks down this way,” he says as they exit the park. 

Ernst has been having an amazing time. Who couldn't when there was a very hot boy who seemed interested in him? Yet, he couldn't shake the feeling of lying to him. He knows he really isn't, he is a boy and he is really into Hanschen, it's just that he isn't the conventional boy. He could feel his binder pressing back his chest, thinking that if he wasn't wearing it that Hanschen would be running. That if he knew he didn't have a dick they wouldn't be holding hands right now. 

He needs to tell him. But later. He just wants to enjoy his time with Hanschen right now. 

“This place is nice,” he says as they stop in front of the building. Ernst smiles and opens the door for him. 

“Thank you,” he says. His hand leaves the others as he unlocks the second door. “I live on the second floor, I normally take the stairs cause it's faster but we can go on the elevator if you want?”

“You think I can't walk up a flight of stairs?” he asks with a chuckle. 

“No like, we've been walking around so like maybe you're like tired or something and just want to stand instead of going up stairs. Who knows maybe your lectures are far apart and you have to walk a lot so going up stairs is-” Ernst rambles before being cut off by Hanschen. 

“I'm joking. Of course I can go up the stairs,” he says smiling. Normally he would be annoyed by rambling. Useless talk and being flustered was not things that he was attracted to, unless it was Ernst. It was adorable when he lifted his head up to hide his face and the redness creeping on. He liked making him blush, as easy as it was. They start their way up the stairs together. 

“By the way I have a roommate but she's out all of today but just in case she does come back early she isn't someone just breaking in,” he says. They are already halfway up because the both of them take two steps at a time. 

“Alright. I'll make note of that,” Hanschen says. Ernst inwardly screams because that implies seeing each other more often and he's just glad that the feeling is mutual. 

They reach the top of the stairs and walk a few doors over before Ernst pulls a key out of his pocket and unlocks the door. 

Hanschen steps inside and looks around. It's a bit small, but feels very... Ernst. The walls are brick and have some famous painting posters on the wall. There's a couch pressed against the wall with a tv right across from it and a coffee table between. There are a few bean bags in the corner, probably for when more than 3 people come over and the couch can't fit them all. 

“Wow it's, really nice,” he says walking in more so Ernst can close the door. He looks over at the kitchen which you can see from the living room. 

“It was a bit bland at first but we put some of our interests on the wall,” he says going behind Hanschen. The blond points at the spice girls poster. 

“Like this?” he chuckles. 

“Hell yeah, I'm totally baby spice,” Ernst says embracing it. Hanschen turns to look at him. 

“I like how you have no shame for it,” he says. “I would never admit my deep love for Adele.”

“I think you just did,” Ernst laughs. He points his finger at the tall boy. 

“Don't you dare tell anyone,” he says in a mock serious voice. 

“That's too bad. Looks like I have to cancel my plans of shouting Hanschen- wait, what's your last name?” Ernst says stopping. 

“Rilow,” he says. 

“Right, Hanschen Rilow loves Adele out my window,” he says. 

“You better not I'm trusting you with top secret information here,” he tells. Ernsts heart beats fast in his chest, here goes his attempt at flirting. He steps a bit closer to Hanschen. 

“Then you should give me something else to do with my mouth,” he says trying to be confident and standing tall. The blonde raises an eyebrow and licks his lips. He pushes up his glasses as he waits for the blond’s response. 

Holy shit, Ernst is really gay. 

“Damn. I guess I can't refuse that offer,” he says and pulls him closer by grabbing the collar of his flannel. Hanschen takes a moment to thank god he's only an inch or so smaller so he can easily tilt his head up and softly place his lips on Ernst. 

The tall boy practically melts. His shirt is still gripped in Hanschen’s hand, the other one cupping Ernst’s cheek. He puts one arm around his waist and the other tangled in the blond hair. Hanschen pulls away. 

“Let's take these off,” he says and pulls off Ernst’s glasses and sets them on the coffee table. He blushes as he turns back to him. “Back to where we left off.”

Their lips meet again, but this time more passionately. Ernst’s grip on Hanschen's hair gets tighter and this causes Hans to pull him much closer in order to suppress a moan. He moves his hand from his cheek to the back of his neck, the other one creeps under his shirt. Ernst put both hands in the boy’s chest and pushes him away. 

“Sorry,” he says and turns away. Hanschen looks at him confused. 

“Did-Did I do something?” he asks looking at his back. 

Ernst was afraid. He wants to kiss him more than anything else in the word. He wants to be the boy he thinks he is. But in reality, he knows that feeling a binder underneath his shirt isn't what Hanschen expects. He might be like other boys who call him liar or tranny or look at him in disgust. Sure, he might be accepting but what are the odds? Ernst needs to say it. 

“Listen I-I'm trans,” he says looking back at him. 

“Okay,” he says. Ernst’s eyes widen in surprise. 

“Okay? You're not like, mad?” he asks. The blond starts to laugh. “You're laughing. Hanschen what?” 

“I don't care if you're trans. I'm bi! Even if I wasn't, why would something like that make me leave?” he asks. 

“It's not like it hasn't happened before,” Ernst states facing the ground. Hanschen feels a his stomach twist. How could anyone hurt this boy? Ernst is the sweetest person out there. 

“They’re all stupid. You're perfect even if you don't have some ‘parts’,” he says with air quotes. Ernst smiles. 

“Thank you,” he says and closes the space between them. They kiss gently, but a grin grows on his face again. They rest their heads on each other's foreheads. 

“Could I see your artwork?” Hanschen asks. 

“Of course.” Ernst moves away to grab and put on his glasses. He walks over to the small hallway and points to the door on the right. 

“In here,” he says. Hanschen nods and follows him inside. The room is very neat and extremely artsy. On the bedside table there's a record player and a large stack of vinyls under the table. His wall has a large pride flag, mirror, and an open window which lets in a cold breeze. The other side has a few paintings hung up, drawings framed, and an easel with an unfinished painting on it. The paints and brushes are on a little stool beside it. Above his bed there are Polaroid pictures taped on the wall of what seem to be his friends. Ernsts backpack is next to a stack of books and another stack of probably sketchbooks. Other art supplies and homework are on the desk. 

“Wow, did you do all of this?” he sad motioning to the art hung up. Ernst nods and stands next to him. Hanschen is in awe. It's brilliant. He thinks they should be put up in art galleries, the contrast of colors, how realistic some art, just the plain beauty of how he creates. 

“You're, amazing. Like, so good!” he says and turns to him. 

“I'm not that-” Hanschen places a finger over his lips. 

“Don't you dare say it. You and I both know you are a god at art,” he says. Ernst fondly rolls his eyes. Hanschen turns back to look more closely at the painting. The other boy’s phone aggressively buzzes in his pocket, indicating a phone call. 

“I'll be right back,” he says to him before walking out of the room. He pulls the phone out and clicks answer before he even looked at the contact, guessing that it was probably Ilse. 

“Hello?” he asks into the phone. 

“Maudie,” a deep voice says from the other end. Ernst’s stomach drops, a sudden urge to vomit creeps up his throat. 

“Father,” he chokes out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are you guys liking this??? I hope so because I love writing this fic. hmu on Tumblr @ ernstlaurens


	3. Falling For Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ernst flashes back. 
> 
> tw for major transphobia and very graphic abuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the flashback is signified by the - and also ended that way

“Why are you calling,” he says flatley. The last time they talked… well. It was November of freshman year of college and he told them he started testosterone. 

-

The table was long, but Ernst still felt everyone's eyes on him. His heart thumped in his chest, positive that everyone could probably feel it as well. 

“I few weeks ago, I started testosterone,” he said. His parents were disgustingly against him transitioning. Or even being trans in the first place. They refused to call him Ernst or regard him as male. They barely even spoke to him other than major holidays when he came from college to visit. 

“What? What the fuck is that?” his mother demanded, staring at him harshly. 

“It's the start of my transition. It's going to make my voice deeper, facial hair, and in total make me look more masculine,” he said trying very hard to not let his voice crack. His 4 siblings are shockingly quiet for normally they were fiddling with something it at least bickering with each other. It sends chills down his spine. 

“How the hell did you get it?” his father asks, white knuckles from gripping his fork so hard. Ernst swears the walls were closing in on him. 

“Doctors. The college helps transgender students get hormones and-” 

“FOR THE LAST TIME WE DID NOT RAISE A FUCKING TRANNY!” the large man yells. He pushes himself up from his chair. The children all cower in their chairs. 

“Kids. Go upstairs,” his mom says looking at them with concern. 

“But-” his oldest sister, Heidi starts, but is quickly silenced by a killer glare from their mother. They all get down from their seats, push in their chairs, and rush up the stairs. 

Something they thought they wouldn't ever need to do again.

Ernst can't help but notice the cross hanging on the landing of the stairs. It's been there for years. Ever since he was a baby. It became something more than a religious symbol when his father threw it at him a few years ago. 

“Get up,” the burly man demands. Ernst takes a deep breath before standing. His knees feel weak, but he can't let his facade drop. 

“So what? You ignore all the therapy we spent on you? The church taught you how you are born the way god wants you to be. You're putting poison in your body, girl. You act as if that's going to make you a real man. You never will be. Because you are a girl!” his mother shouts. He gulps and holds back his tears. 

“No amount of ‘testosterone’ will change you. You're a woman, you have a vagina and breasts. You damage yourself with chest binder to act like they aren't there, but they are! Accept it already!” she yells, now standing beside him. He continues to blankly stare at the cross. 

“Come here,” his father says, walking around the table and grabbing his arm. He suppresses a cringe when he does, the hold being much too tight. He is practically dragged into the living room. It's much more open and now has nothing between them. 

“You know nothing. You need to stop choosing to be a tranny. Now,” his father spits in his face. Ernst sees pure anger in his eyes. The boy is moments away from breaking down. 

“I don't choose to be this way,” he whispers, moving his look to the floor. He doesn't want to see how disappointed his mother is. 

“What did you say girl!” his father thunders above him. He trembles and prepares to speak again. 

“I-I didn't choose to be transgender,” he says in a monotone, eyes not moving. That is, until his father grips his neck and moves it up to look at him. 

“You're such a liar! Jesus didn't die for you to be a faggot!” His hand isn't tight enough to fully cut off all his air supply, but enough that it makes him gasp for air. 

All he can think is to just survive tonight. 

“Don't kill him!” his mother says and pulls him off of Ernst. He stumbles backwards and puts his hands over his throat and heave to fill his lungs. 

“You. Go,” his father says coldly. 

“Wilhelm-” his mother starts. 

“GO!” he screams, eyes still on the boy who is now leaning against the wall to breathe, not only because he was just choked but also because he was violently sobbing. 

The woman swiftly goes up the stairs, quietly doing a prayer that her “daughter” would survive the night. 

“Are you done now? Are you finally going to get over this teen rebellion phase?” he asks as Ernst now turns around to face him, now standing on his own. 

“You're in college now. This needs to stop. Don't try and be special girl. You're fine just being our daughter,” he spoke calmly, as if he didn't just have his hands around another person's throat. Ernst stays mute. 

“You want to set a good example for your siblings, Maudie.”

That was it. That was all Ernst could take. Inside of him, he let loose of all the emotions he had held back. 

“My name isn't fucking Maudie! It's Ernst! I'm a boy god fucking damn it!” he yelled, no longer afraid. If he was going to die, it was going to be in honor. He was going to die like a man. 

“Don't,” his father said stiffly. All the calmness drained of Wilhelm, his father’s, body. 

“Ernst. He. Boy. Your son,” he stated. He large man takes him by the collar of his shirt and slams him against the wall. Pain shoots through the back of the boy's head and he lets out a groan of pain. 

“Just shut up!”

“No! I won't! Fuck you!” he said and tried to move away from his father, but instead gets a swift punch to the face. 

“You fucking tranny! You piece of shit faggot!” his father screamed and throwed the boy to the ground. Ernst struggles to breathe as the breath has been completely knocked out of him. Pain throbs from the side of his face and blood trickles down. 

He is swiftly forced up by his dad just to be hit again, but this time it connects with the side of his nose. He half screams half sobs as the sharp feeling of pain comes with the snap of his nose. Blood pours out, quickly making its way down his chin. 

“Please,” Ernst begged. He is only held up by his father’s grip on his shirt, vision becoming blurry. He isn't very sure if it's the tears or the pain that's making his vision like this. 

“This can all be over with you just saying you're a girl, Maudie,” he stated, no compassion in his voice. 

“I'm not,” Ernst said. He is thrown to the ground once again, but now it's so harsh he feels his shoulder collide with the hard ground. 

He barely even makes a noise of agony before he is kicked in the side. 

“Oh my god!” he screamed out in distress. He knows that they no one will call the cops, they can barely be heard anyway because they live on a road alone instead of in the neighborhood which is less than half a mile away. 

“Don't say the Lord's name you fucking disgrace!” Wilhelm said delivering another kick. A choked sob came out of the bloody boy. Breathing became torture, every movement delivered more and more burning pain. It was practically all he could feel. From the back of his head, his cheek, his nose, his ribs, all pain. He lays curled up on the floor, trying to control his frantic sobbing. 

A minute passes. He can hear his father walking over to the other side of the room. Ernst weakly gets up, having to clutch onto the couch. He stumbles over to the door, his dad's eyes watching, but not stopping him. He finally reaches the handle and turns to face him. 

“Thanks for the lovely dinner,” his voice dripped in sarcasm. He looked up the stairs and saw his siblings huddled up at the top. He smiled at them, probably looking like a madman with the blood covering his face and his clothes. 

He winced as he opened the door, moving an arm to go around his ribs. He hopes this will help his pain. He walks out and tries to keep himself from crying, knowing they are all still watching. As soon as he got out of sight of the house, he collapsed. He dug his phone from his pocket and called his best friend, Mortiz. 

“Please come get me,” he says as soon as the call connects, soon after breaking out in a sob. 

-

“We want to know if you would come to dinner with us,” he says. It was poison to Ernst’s ears. 

“No,” he says coldly and hangs up. He rushes to the bathroom and as soon as he reaches the toilet he throws up. 

“Ernst? Are you okay?” he hears Hanschen ask. He completely forgot he was here. 

“Oh my god, I'm so sorry,” he says and flushes it away. He quickly rinses his mouth out, trying to ignore the look of concern on Hanschen's face. 

“What happened?” he asks. 

“It's just, my dad called and I haven't spoken to him in years,” he says. He puts toothpaste on his toothbrush and aggressively brushes his teeth to both avoid conversation and get the taste of sick out of his mouth 

“Do you, want me to go?” he asks running a hand through his blond hair. Ernst shakes his head and puts some mouthwash into his mouth. He spits it out and turns to face him. 

“I don't want you to go,” he sighs. 

“Can we just,” he pauses and runs a hand through his messy hair, “we’ve talked about me, why don't we talk about you?”

They move their conversation to the couch in the living room. They start out with a small distance between them but in 2 hours Ernst somehow ends up with his head in Hanschen’s lap, the blond’s fingers gently playing with Ernst’s hair as they talk. 

Hans can't help but fall a little more for the boy with every passing second. The way the tall boy smiles when his fingers trace down his jawline and feel pass over the growing stubble. Hanschen observes the way he smiles, how he has a small scar on his nose, Ernst practically purring when he slides his hand through the sides of his hair, in total, just the radiance of this boy. 

He didn't want to be a cliche of saying it's like they have known each other for years and how their kiss was like no other he has had before, but he would be lying if he said that wasn't true. He wanted to be filled with information about Ernst. Fuck, he would listen to Ernst talk about the most boring topics but still be intrigued because it's him. 

On the other boys side, he was also in heaven. A caring boy who never pushed on why he puked after a phone call that only lasted a few seconds. How he didn't mind when Ernst was so tired that he wanted to lie down and put his head in his lap. 

He loves listening to his deep voice talk about how he got interested in law or when he cried for a full day when his hamster ran away. Ernst never knew he would find a boy this lovely and accepting. 

“Fuck, what time is is?” Hanschen asks. Ernst moves up from his lap and grabs his phone. He clicks it on. 

“5:37,” he says and looks back over. Hanschen sighs. 

“I should probably go before it gets too late,” he says standing up. Ernst follows his actions. 

“Yeah, I’ll call you,” he says looking at him. Hans smiles and kisses Ernst again. 

It was meant to be an innocent peck, one right before he left. But when he pulls back, Ernst moves and connect their lips once again. Hanschen's hand grips Ernst’s hair, making the tall boy gasp. He takes this opportunity to slip in his tongue. Seconds go by and it becomes more and more passionate. 

“Hey-” a voice says as the door clicks open. Ernst stumbles backward and looks towards it. 

“Oh my god, Mortiz I didn't know you were coming over,” he says, face turning bright red. Hanschen stands by his side smirking. 

“Should I go?” a boy asks, his curly black hair practically a mop on his head. What's up with Ernst and messy hair? 

“No, I was actually just leaving,” Hanschen interjects. Mortiz looks over at him. The blond walks past him without a sound, but stops when he gets behind him. 

“Text me,” he says with a wink. Ernst is completely red with Mortiz staring at him with open eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this. So fast. I cannot believe how I did this
> 
> sorry most of this chapter is the flashback I proMise it won't be like this normally okay!! thanks for reading I love feedback yes

**Author's Note:**

> AHHHH!!! I'm so excited to be writing more of this. college aus are my fav and I will never stop


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